Nurturing a Garden of Habits
Let’s play a game. If you believe that ten years from today, in September 2033, you will essentially be the same person as you are today, raise your hand. Ready? Good.
Next, raise your hand if you think that you are essentially the same person today as you were in June 2011, ten years ago. Same preferences in music, clothing and hobbies, same beliefs about life and society, same kind of thinking patterns, same you. Ready?
What’s interesting about these two questions, is that in science experiments most people answer YES on the first one (which is about beliefs), and equally emphatically NO on the second inquiry (which is empirical). Importantly, the result is the same across all ages. That suggests we’re dead wrong about the first question. It has a name, too: the end of history fallacy. It is as if we, against all evidence, still believed that whatever we are today, we will be until the end of time. Why is that?
The notion of an eternal, fixed self or “the real me” traces back to ancient Egypt, from where we basically have inherited it (through a few steps, long story). It is essentially that same ancient assumption that had pharaohs build the pyramids that today is keeping us from something equally monumental: actually doing something to change ourselves. That limiting assumption, however, can be challenged — and has been, too.
Other schools of thought offer a far more liberating view of the human condition. Buddhism, Confucianism and modern neuroscience all would nod in agreement that people are, essentially, bundles of habits they have fallen into, more or less unconsciously. While this view is arguably not as grand as until the end of time, it offers us two things: an explanation of how you and I got this way, and a lever for improving things.
The Confucian sage Mencius spoke a lot about gardening. A gardener is active and deliberate. She chooses the right spot to plant seeds, pulls up weeds, turns and fertilizes the soil and plants crops that will flourish in that climate. The plants, of course, are a metaphor for our habits and virtues. What kind of plants will grow in my garden, and therefore who I will become, depends on which sprouts I choose to nurture and my work as a gardener (and yes, soil and climate, too).
All this talk leaves us with some big questions: am I giving my garden the attention it deserves? Which sprouts will I nurture next, and how? Where do I see weeds to be pulled? Can I plant completely new seeds?
I won’t try to speak for you, so I’ll just tell about a specific sprout I nurtured around the time I was moving offices from Netlight Stockholm to Netlight Helsinki. My mentor and I had agreed that the biggest obstacle to me creating extra value as a Netlighter in Helsinki was the fact that I didn’t know my future coworkers at all. I had never seen myself as much of a networker; cold-calling, small-talk and video conferences don’t come natural to me. Opting for simplicity, I took the list of all Helsinki Netlighters, and started going from A to Z, reaching out to a few colleagues each week. Six months and roughly 90 get-to-know-coffees later, when I physically moved over, I had already met every single one of my new colleagues — and so I could be a fully productive member of the community from day one.
So what did I get out of all the hours spent striving for a caffeine overdose? Firstly, the exercise did what I intended: it solved my issue of a non-existing network. More interestingly though, it also changed my perspective and my habits around networking and reaching out to people; I habitually meet the new starters as well. Whether the exercise made me a networker or not, I do not know — but at least there’s a new plant in the garden, and time will tell how it grows.
That brings us to the end of my little writing. I’ll leave you with a reminder that you and I will both be different people in ten year’s time. In what way depends on the habits we create, enforce or shed — for better or for worse. Right now is as good a time as ever to rethink yours.
Yours, Juuso
Some related readings:
The Path: What Chinese Philosophers Can Teach Us About the Good Life by Michael Puett and Christine Gross-Loh
Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick by Wendy Wood
